Sunday, 11 December 2011

Should I be alone?

Shalom readers! :) Miss to share the feelings here. Hmm.. I've been looking into myself, people judge me, how they treat me. I felt that I'm useless :( I bring nothing to this world. I can't be someone which people want me to be unless I want to. Some people ignore me, treat me rudely, didn't care much about what I say. Maybe because I'm small, I don't talk loud, I don't know how to treat/appreciate people. But, why can't they teach me how it should be? Sometimes I hate myself. I hate the way of I am. It seems that I had made a lot of mistake.. There's one person still can't forgave me :'( I don't know what is the biggest mistake I had made. I already did what I should done but it seems useless for me. I felt so bad about myself. I don't know whether my friends do understand me. 
I'm also a human being. I got feelings too. I just need someone to listen and understand me. If ya can't, it's okay just please....don't ignore me :( I'm still alive and standing in front of your face. I'm not ghost which you can't see me. Sometimes I'm very disappointed. No one want have time with me when I need someone most. Oh my! Maybe I'm too sensitive with the surroundings. The person that I talked about just now. From what I saw, that person easy to ask apologize and even begging for it. While before that person been mad so much towards me. I don't know what is the intention that person might gonna do. To make me hate? 
Am I really a bad person? I'm just a weak girl which can ruin anything for certain times. But I didn't meant it. I  just did made a mistake. Every time I remember back what had happened, I felt I don't want to meet anyone and just keep the door shut all the time. I feel so down when the world is pointing on me. I'm not that brilliant, intelligence, good looking person and so on like the others. Sometimes, I just need time to pull up myself back. But some people won't allow me to have my own time. I can't make any wise decision. At the end, I'm the one who is hurt a lot and felt guilty a lot even though thousand of apologize have been made. Who I am actually in their eyes? I'm not a small kids anymore. I have think a lot. I can take care of myself.
Seems that there's no more space for myself . . . . . . . 

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